By Victoria Joanna  BBA, CNP, RNCP http://www.victoriajoanna.com/

Are you aware of your own power to change your life this instant?  Consider this, no matter what is happening in your life right now, you have the power to change your experiences. 

As a coach, my primary goal is to empower my clients with the tools necessary to create the results they want. One of the first steps in the process is understanding that you can choose how you feel, act and react to any circumstance or situation.  The power to choose comes from increasing one’s self-awareness.

My experience has shown that this is not always an easy concept to embrace.  This is especially true when we’re in a situation where we believe that someone, or something, needs to change in order for a particular area in our life to get better.   Hearing that it’s all up to us can often create resistance, defensiveness and anger.  We often perceive our circumstances as being caused by external factors.   While that is partially true, how we choose to react to them and the action we take or don’t take, is truly what has the largest impact on our experience. 

Part of the reason it’s initially difficult for us to think this way is that we tend to confuse choice and accountability with blame and responsibility.  We are not to “blame” for our circumstances nor are we “responsible” for everything that happens; but we do have “choice” and are “accountable” for our actions, perceptions and beliefs about what happens.

Many of us have been conditioned to see things from a certain perspective, as a result we wait for circumstances to change around us and until they do, we feel trapped, paralyzed and frustrated.  Our workload takes over our lives, our boss doesn’t provide enough support, our husband isn’t attentive or we just don’t have enough time to take care of our health.  We see all of these things as being beyond our control.  To the extent that we do so, we are powerless to change them.

Remember Gandhi’s famous quote “be the change you wish to see in the world.”  It resonates with so many people because it’s fundamentally true.  Change happens from within and begins with us.

When we start to see our life in this way, we will no longer be a victim of our circumstances and other people’s actions.  We will see that we have much more power than we realized and change is easier than it appears.   We don’t need to wait for permission to live a happier and more fulfilling life.

If you’re not used to seeing life from this perspective it can be a little tough to get started.  Here is an exercise you can do to begin changing your perspective.

Step 1:  Take something that is currently happening where you feel as if you don’t have the power to change it.  Write out the issue:  “I wish I could (or I wish I had, etc)… but I can’t or am unable to do so because…”

Step 2:  Make a list of all of the alternative choices/actions you would have available if nothing was standing in your way.

Step 3:  Now beside each choice or action, write down the reason you think it’s not a viable option for you at this time.

Step 4: For each of the objections you gave above, think of at least three reasons why that objection may not be 100% true.  This is the hard part.  You want to be right and you may be convinced these things are standing in your way.  Challenge yourself, if only hypothetically, to see your situation from different perspectives.  Remember….it can be partially true, but not 100%.  Just try to see that there might be a different way to see the situation.

Step 5:  Assuming that in step four you managed to convince yourself (or at least become open to the possibility) that your objections aren’t 100% true, looking at all of the reasons you’ve listed, ask yourself what might really be standing in the way of you making a different choice.  Is it fear, procrastination, self-doubt, lack of motivation?  Be honest with yourself.  Through this process you begin to shed light on your unconscious emotions and by gaining more understanding and self-awareness you will be able to make a different choice.

By Aurea Crotty

I recently had an epiphany at my last mastermind meeting; the secret to achieving true happiness is not in the attainment of individual goals or trying to achieve as many goals as possible, but to be in existential harmony.

Deep, I know –but what does that mean?

Having goals is a positive thing, though it is thinking about our goals on a higher level of what they really mean to us and our journey; ensuring that they align with all aspects of our life at every stage.

Imagine an hourglass that is full on the top. The top of the hourglass, holding the sand represents life opportunities. The bottom of the hourglass represents you. The sand only funnels through when we willingly open ourselves to growth and take positive action – thereby realizing our potential and personal development. When the sand fills the bottom, it represents our satisfaction and growth.

The different facets of our life, for example: career, money, health, relationships/family and spirituality, are each represented by an hourglass. They begin full on top and as we embark on new stages of life –symbolizing our full potential and opportunity for growth. As the sand fills up the bottom of the hourglass this symbolizes the fulfillment of our growth within that particular facet of our life. We know it’s time to turn our hourglasses over when we get that nagging feeling that we are ready to move to the next level, sometime described as ‘what’s next’, and the cycle begins again.

All the hourglasses in our life turn over at different times and will pour at different rates –the idea is to keep our hourglasses constantly running, keeping the energy and growth flowing in our life, this is where happiness lies, when we can achieve harmony.

Many of us spend time focusing on only one or two aspects of our life, filling and re-filling only those hourglasses. By ignoring the other aspects of our life we leave those hourglasses empty and unkempt, creating an unbalanced life.

The idea is to continually be aware of every aspect of our life; be mindful of all our hourglasses so that we continually move forward in harmony.

Why this matters?

I’ve heard countless stories of very ‘successful’ people who have acquired the home, salary, and car they’ve always wanted –they feel empty and incomplete –they feel a sense of regret that their financial and material success came at the price of failed relationships, lost connections and isolation.

These people focused on the hourglasses they thought were most important, not realizing that they are all important in achieve true happiness and fulfillment.

We all want to feel whole and achieve harmony. When we work too hard and lack contact with our family and friends, we feel ‘out of sink’. No big surprise as relationships are a fundamental part of our life. Realizing that our life is a journey and, along the way, taking the time to be cognizant of our hourglasses to ensure they are always flowing is essential to achieving harmony, and ultimately, happiness.

By Liz Radzick of Manifest Consulting

Ahhh…cottage life: lake, sand, lemonade, and… pitch writing? Well yes -my friend Collette had joined me on vacation when the chance to pitch her services by email to a prospective client arose. This required a trip into town to access Wi-Fi for her and Kawartha Dairy ice cream for me. Yum! So I was motivated to help her.

Where do I start with a pitch? In her book “Words That Change Minds” by Shelle Rose Charvet , Shelle asks

“What will trigger a person into action? Do they move toward an objective or away from problems to be solved or prevented?”

This distinction can make a huge difference in how your message is received. People with a Toward pattern in a given context (and these patterns are very context-specific: you can be one, the other or a bit of both depending on the situation) are goal-focused. If you are a Toward pattern you will be stimulated by words like:

            have, get, achieve, attain, include, maximize

If you are an Away From pattern you are probably good at troubleshooting and words like

            avoid, prevent, eliminate, solve, get rid of, minimize

will resonate with you.

The prospective client had mentioned she wanted to

1. Attract more clients

2. Add on to their existing offerings

3. Increase cash flow through product sales

My verdict: this was a Toward pattern we were dealing with. The problem is that sometimes you can’t be certain whether someone is a Toward or Away From pattern. According to Shelle,

            40% of people are mainly Away From

            20% are equally Toward & Away from

            40% are mainly Toward

So it’s best to hedge your bets and use both kinds of language.

And what was my motivation in wanting to assist in this pitch-writing scenario? One was that I wanted to avoid spending the whole day watching my friend stress about writing the pitch while on vacation (Away From). I also mentioned earlier that it was necessary to go into town in order to email it and that meant a trip to the ice cream store which I definitely wanted (Towards). So the next time you’re asking your Significant Other to do something for you or you are trying to persuade your boss on a course of action try these patterns out. Depending on your motivation pattern you’ll get more success or reduce the chance of failure!

By Liz Radzick of Manifest Consulting

I just helped a friend work on a project and today when it got green-lighted he called me. “I couldn’t have done this without you,” he said with sincere gratitude in his voice. (I’m still glowing from the praise!) Did I appreciate the feedback? Yes.  Am I motivated to help him more? You bet.

Bob Nelson, author of 1001 Ways to Reward Employees states that “While money is important to employees, what tends to motivate them to perform and to perform at higher levels is the thoughtful, personal kind of recognition that signifies true appreciation for a job well done.”

The good news is that giving effective positive feedback is as simple as following what I call the ACE method: Action, Circumstance, and Effect.

1.      Action

First state the specific action that you want to recognize. Two phrases you can use are:

 I heard you say

 I saw you do…(or other appropriate verb)

 e.g. Cathy, I wanted to congratulate you/thank you for a job well done.

I saw you chair the sales meeting yesterday

heard you give your presentation on Tuesday

This may seem obvious but people frequently have busy brains at work and may not immediately understand which situation you are referring to.

 2.      Circumstances/Details

Next go into detail about what the person did SPECIFICALLY that impressed you. Did they take initiative/organize well/demonstrate creativity? The more detail you can show the more you demonstrate that you really paid attention to their effort and the more meaningful the feedback becomes. Go to sites like http://www.quintcareers.com/action_skills.html to help you find descriptive verbs with impact.

e.g. I really liked how you organized the data into the 4 column spreadsheet and integrated the brand colours into the template.

3.      Effect

            Finally, talk about the impact of their actions

            Externally – on the team/company/project  (observable or tangible results)

            Internally -  how it made you personally feel/respond (emotional results)

E.g. Because you took the initiative to design the template, it really made our team stand out at the meeting and Bob, the VP of Sales was very impressed (external). As well, I really appreciated all the extra effort you made and I was grateful that you took charge of the project because it made my life a lot easier (internal).

Delivered sincerely, and in a timely manner this positive feedback will make you both feel good. Hope you enjoyed this article (you can thank me later).

By Aurea Crotty

To underestimate the power of clarity is to undermine and stifle your ability to achieve success.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that if you do not have and project clarity you cannot fully achieve your objective.

Time and time again I have found myself with a million thoughts and ideas with no clear direction. I’ve pondered multiple opportunities as if looking at book shelf trying to decide which book to read. Confused by the plethora of options I’ve allowed myself to be swayed and wooed by opportunities that may not have been the best choices. I lacked clarity and in haste did not take time to consider what was best for me. The end result…a path that seems to take too much time, a struggle to yield results, and many times having to start again.

I’ve also felt that nagging feeling that something’s missing. Despite working hard, being productive, setting goals and achieving them, I’ve still felt that something just isn’t right and that there’s got to be more.

Where The Magic Happens…

When I have absolute clarity, know with precision what my objectives are, how I need to achieve them and what I needed to say –MAGIC! Really, magic…or at least that’s how it feels.

There is something phenomenal that happens when we have clarity, everything feels easy. Opportunities just happen to present themselves that align perfectly with our intentions. If I wasn’t a believer before, I can confidently tell you I am now! With so many “I can’t believe it!” moments – I have now come to believe that if a situation feels less than easy, I should reassess my level of clarity.

Lack of clarity is said to be the most common goal setting error. We put ourselves down a certain path without considering the bigger picture and whether our choices are really what we want, or more importantly, what we need. The disconnect between the two then leaves us with a feeling of dissatisfaction and makes our goals and tasks more challenging as they are not aligned.

Here are four steps I use to help me get clear.

1. Find Stillness.

Take time everyday to quiet the mind, if you don’t have the luxury of doing this during the day, take time at night with a little extra unwinding time, free from any external disturbances.

 2. Ask yourself, what you really want from your particular situation?

Try to break through all the superficial motives and reach deep to find your ultimate goal.

 3. Ask yourself, what needs to happen in order for you to achieve your goal?

Start to create an action plan.

 4. Put the wheels in motion!

I like to start talking and asking for help. By creating some action and energy around your objective you will draw it closer to you.

By Aurea Crotty

Imagine all you needed to do to achieve your greatest aspirations and realize your full potential was to reframe the words you use.

Can you recall every good moment that has ever happened to you?

According to Yvonne Oswald, author of Every Word Has Power: Switch On Your Language and Turn On Your Life, your subconscious does and will remind you of all those great moments just by meditating on the word good.

The reason for this, Yvonne tells us, is that each key word has a frequency, an energy that transcends beyond the word itself into an emotion which affects our physical and metaphysical existence.

“Powerful high-energy words such as excitement, joy, success, or love, vibrate higher and faster, thus increasing your “I feel good” feelings. Low-energy words, particularly words that have negative emotional associations such as sadness or guilt, resonate at a lower frequency. They make you feel less than great by literally lowering your energy levels. In fact, 20 percent of the words you use have strong emotional undertones, which cause you to react either negatively or positively.”*

Here are some common phrases we have all used, I have highlighted the “Key Words” our subconscious hears and reacts to:

No Problem

It just so hard

I’m so angry

I hate this

I feel sick

We can reframe these statements with high-energy words:

My pleasure

It’s just not easy

I’m not happy

I don’t love this

I don’t feel well

The idea is not that we are trying to rid ourselves of human emotions which include anger and frustration, but rather how we choose to handle and articulate them to our inner-self.

You may be wondering about the use of the words “Not” or “Don’t”. The subconscious mind does not know how to process “negative commands”

“Do not think of a white elephant. Do not think of a white elephant with pink spots –dancing on a stage. Do not remember the number 167. Which number are you not to remember? Your unconscious cannot process what is not. It simply responds to the key words you give it”.*

Some more food for thought…be cognizant of how you talk about other people as your subconscious mind believes you are talking about yourself!

The influence our words have on our emotions and life is a remarkable insight into our psyche and existence. Our perspective and outer expression of our mindset has everything to do with our experiences and success.  

Let us know what you think…do you think the words we use and think can change our life?

*Yvonne Oswald, Every Word Has Power: Switch On Your Language And Turn On Your Life. New York: Atria Books 2008.

I thought this book was a great read and has changed how I communicate! If you would like to read more click here

By Wendy Litner

I am standing at the back of a salsa aerobics class, trying to be as invisible as wall-to-wall mirrors will allow.  I joined this gym months ago but have only had time to attend twice.  It’s not that I don’t want to go; it’s just that after such long, panty-hosed days, I can’t resist the comfort of my pajama pants.  As I find exercise to be a horrible chore that I must get done if I’m to keep fitting into my pants, I thought a dance class might be a fun way to take my medicine.  Besides, techno music happens to be a guilty pleasure of mine, and I haven’t gotten my $100-dollars-worth out of my LuLu’s yet. 

But, as Giovanni the instructor calls out steps that everyone else knows, it is obvious that I am out of my element.  My awkwardness is simply palpable. 

I try my best to follow, but I feel like Dirty Dancing’s Baby who has stumbled in on an underground scene of forbidden gyration.  The other dancers exude grace and sex appeal.  All I exude is sweat.    

 “You must feeeeeeeel the music,” Giovanni sings, instructing we’re about to take it from the top.  While all I really feeeeeeel is out of breath, I am determined to redeem myself. 

We begin the routine and, I can’t believe it- I just nailed the first count of eight!  My excitement seems to throw me off entirely, though, and I recover by resorting to my staple Bar-Mitzvah move of step clapping.  Overwhelmingly embarrassed, I look around to see if anybody has noticed but realize that not a single person is looking at me.  Giovanni himself is fixated on his ridiculously toned calves. 

Feeling completely protected in my isolation I finally let myself go.  I throw back my head, kick up my feet and start having the best time.  Although I still have no idea what I’m doing and my awkward movements can’t really be categorized as any genre of dance, the hour quickly turns into the respite I desperately need from my stressful day at the office.

My paranoia at work has led me to believe that my superiors agonize over my performance, carefully judging my every move.  By maybe, just maybe, people aren’t as concerned with my work; maybe they are really more fixated on themselves.  I always thought I needed to apply my work ethic to my exercise regime, but maybe what I really need is to apply my exercise ethic to my work.  Just as long as they don’t install wall-to-wall mirrors in my office.

By Liz Radzick of Manifest Consulting

As we approach the middle of the summer many people are looking to the fall to resume a focused job-search and go for interviews. And successful interviews rely on your ability to talk positively about yourself.

Many people get hives when thinking about self-marketing. “I don’t want to look like an egomaniac” or “I don’t want to come across as bragging” are common concerns.

First of all, it is my general impression that the average Canadian female has a self-esteem deficit the size of Denmark when it comes to accurately appraising her value. Second, the intention behind your self-marketing (see Intention Paves the Way to Success for more on intention) is not to prove your superiority but to engage people and to let them get a positive, accurate view of your activities. People are going to make their own judgments anyway – why not give them good material to work with?

So here are 2 simple things you can do to make sure you communicate your greatness:

1. Minimizing is for Pores

“Just” is one of the words that falls into the category of “minimizer” along with “sort of” “I guess” and “kind of.”

E.g.

I guess that my greatest strength is…

Well, I just oversaw this 3 million dollar product launch…

I sort of pioneered the use of this system nationally…

Don’t think that only Valley Girls talk this way – I have heard literally hundreds of people including managers and executives pitch themselves in a minimizing or ambivalent-sounding way.

2. There is no “I” in “we”

One of the by-products of the corporate focus on teamwork is that people avoid using the word “I” when describing their accomplishments. Why? Fear of being branded “not a team player.” Even when *you* are the one who initiated the sales process, came up with the idea, or organized the database it is more than likely you are hiding your accomplishments behind the “we.” Try detoxing slowly, combining the 2 words in a 50/50 ratio so that you accurately communicate your true contribution along with your peers.

The bottom line for your interviews:  Avoid minimizers and you will maximize your impact!

Want to get some hands on experience and coaching from Liz?

Check out our Boot Camp this Fall

By Kena Paranjape of In Life & In Fashion

Getting dressed for work should be easy.  No one has time to rifle through their wardrobe and accessories before racing out the door in the morning.  At the same time, you don’t want to arrive at work and realize too late you are wearing different colour socks!  My suggestion (and personal strategy) is to rely on the essentials and fill in with the rest of the contents of your closets.  With that in mind, I’ve compiled a list of ten must have’s for your work wardrobe.  With these pieces you should be able to get dressed with ease and arrive at work looking stylish and polished.  

1. Pencil Skirt – a pencil skirt is an instant grown-up look.  Tuck in a silk blouse or pair with a fitted v-neck sweater for an easy chic outfit.

2. Wide Leg Trousers – go for charcoal rather than black as it looks more sophisticated when paired with colour

3. A Fantastic Blazer – don’t feel that you have to stick with a basic black boring blazer!  Choose something that fits you perfectly and you love – you will find ways to work it into your wardrobe.  (Tip: this is an item worth splurging on)

4. Mid-Heel Closed Toe Pump – an absolute must-have.  Choose a heel you can wear all day with or without tights.  Closed toe means you don’t have to worry about a pedicure to slip them on.

5. Tie-Neck Blouse – this item may not appear on other must have lists, but consider it a new must have!  A tie neck blouse is a fun way to replace the classic white shirt.  It also looks great under a v neck sweater (see #6).

6. V-Neck Sweater – layer over a tank or blouse.  Choose cashmere for winter and a fine-gauge cotton for spring and summer.

7. Cardigan Sweater – if you find a cardigan you love, buy as many as you can afford.  You will wear them more than any other item in your wardrobe!  Depending on your work environment choose classic or embellished or longer styles. 

8. Silk Tank – another item not found on most must have lists, however, a silk tank is the perfect day-to-night top.  Tuck it into a pencil skirt or trouser with a jacket for day, and off comes the jacket at night!  A silk tank is a good place to add a print to your work wardrobe as well.

9. Flats – be creative with your flats – try a print or patent, a bow or a buckle.  Wear flats on trousers or a-line skirts and dresses but avoid pairing with pencil skirts. 

10. Dress – I am purposefully avoiding being too specific here.  Depending on your work environment you can go for a bold print or may prefer a simple, solid sheath. Either way you can easily personalize with accessories so make it your own!

By Janice Carter

A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to climb Mount Fuji. After exhausting travel, I arrived on the cold, dark mountain and didn’t feel up to the challenge. As evening pressed on, the lack of food, water and sleep fuelled my negative mood. The pesky rock invading my hiking boot ignited my desire to retreat. Do you ever set a career goal, start to move towards it and then want to give up? 

Without patience and persistence, there’s no hope of achieving your goals. I learned this from my mistakes. I was clear about the type of work I wanted but it wasn’t coming. I doubted that my dream job would become reality. Impatient and restless, I took a job I didn’t really want. For a time I blamed the company for my dissatisfaction, then I realized that I was the problem. I wasn’t being true to myself. 

My definition of success isn’t congruent with Webster’s, which measures it by wealth. Instead, I prescribe to that of John Wooden, the former basketball coach and author of Play your Game. He says,  “Success is the peace of mind attained only through the self-satisfaction of knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you’re capable.” I knew I wasn’t doing my best when I settled for the job or considered giving up on Mount Fuji. 

Wooden writes: “Play your game…Eventually, if you play your game, stick to your style [it will be worth it] in the end. This does not mean that we will always outscore our opponent, but it does ensure that we will not beat ourselves.”

On Mount Fuji, my despondance eventually waned and I played my game. I was wonderfully encouraged as a pack of Japanese hikers passed by and zealously shouted “gambatte.”  I had no idea what it meant, but the tone in which they said it, sparked the fight in me. When I reached the summit at sunrise, I was paralyzed by the beautiful expanse of powder blue sky illuminated by radiant streams of pinks and oranges. I can’t believe I almost missed that! I later learned that “gambatte” means “go for it” or “try your best.” I challenge you to stay true to yourself and persistently go after what you want. 

Tips for career success:

1. Clearly define your goals by writing them out.  Post your list of goals on the bathroom mirror, or somewhere you’ll actually read it. If you’re a visual person, translate it into a vision board.

 2. Share your goals with friends and/or family.

3. Periodically, take time out to be quiet and reflect. Assess whether you’re doing what you want to be doing. 

 4. Be patient & persevere. Gambatte!

Reference: TED Conference: John Wooden on true success  http://www.ted.com/talks/john_wooden_on_the_difference_between_winning_and_success.html

Share your definition of success and get a copy of our newest book The White Tiger: Post here