By Liz Radzick of Manifest Consulting

“It drives me crazy,” ranted my friend on the phone. “My boss has got this arrogant attitude when we’re pitching to new clients, like he knows what’s right and it just comes off like he’s a [word deleted]!” As a result, my friend’s company is losing potential clients.

What if this is not case a of his boss being an…um…ding-a-ling,  but instead is someone who is motivated internally? In Shelle Rose Charvet’s book Words That Change Minds (see also the article “Toward Success and Away From Failure” for more on this topic) she asks:

Where does the person find motivation?
In external sources, or in internal standards and beliefs?

My friend’s boss sounds like he might have an Internal pattern in a given context (new client meetings) in which he decides about the quality of his work, and has a hard time hearing other people’s opinions and outside direction.

People with this pattern tend to resist when someone
tells them what to do or tries to decide for them.

You can spot them visually because they are often sitting upright and point to themselves. If the deal doesn’t go through for an Internal pattern person, they might say to themselves “The customer is a jerk because he didn’t appreciate what I did for him.”

On the other end of the spectrum, an External pattern person

“needs other people’s opinions, outside direction, and feedback to stay motivated…In the absence of this, they will experience something akin to sensory deprivation.”

You can spot someone with an External pattern  because they are leaning forward and watching for indications from you that what they did/said was all right.

So how might my friend approach his boss to influence his behaviour in these meetings? Useful phrases to use with Internal pattern situations include:

Only you can decide…

You might consider…

It’s up to you…

Maybe try it out and decide what you think…

It’s your call…

 e.g. “You know Owen, I was just wondering about one way we might consider pitching the account this afternoon…Ultimately, it’s your decision of course but I was just thinking (insert suggestion)…What are your thoughts on that?”   I would then walk away and let the person think it over for themselves without hovering over them.

If you’ve got an Internal pattern situation in your life, you might want to try this approach sometime. Ultimately, it’s up to you!