By Wendy Litner

The novelty of adulthood still hasn’t worn off on me.  Married life feels like a permanent sleepover party, on weekdays no less, and I still feel rebellious every time I buy sugar cereal.  Sometimes, I will even skip breakfast altogether and I won’t put my hat on when it’s cold outside.  There really is nothing better than being a grown up and making your own bad decisions.

Recently, after spending hours crafting a budget and putting ourselves on a strict financial diet, my husband and I proceeded to book a trip to an all-inclusive resort in the Mayan Riviera.  We planned to go with three other couples and while we knew we shouldn’t spend the money, as we all enter our child bearing years, who knew when we would be able to travel together again?  Most persuasively, besides Visa, there was no one to tell us we couldn’t go.

Growing up, ours was the family that always stayed home during winter break.  Every December, while I watched all my classmates travel to such exotic locations as their grandparents’ condos in Fort Lauderdale, I really couldn’t think of anything more glamorous.  Traveling, to me, represented exceptional opulence available only to royalty and my wealthy private school friends.  My generous parents, on the other hand, sacrificed fancy cars and relaxing vacations to send my brothers and I to private school.  As a twenty-nine year old, I am extremely grateful for their hard-work.  At the time though, I really wanted to go to Disneyland.  And so, as my friends invariably returned to school sun-kissed, I returned green with envy. 

With such hectic, grown-up schedules, I long for time away to take a collective breath with my husband but I just can’t get used to the notion that I am permitted to take a trip if I want to.  I never feel like I have earned it and our Mexican jaunt was no different.  As I packed my suitcase, I started to feel immensely guilty about our frivolous decision.  Having already spent the money on what was supposed to be a relaxing holiday, I started to feel guilty about feeling guilty.  With bikinis I prayed still fit sprawled out around me, I sat on my luggage panicking.  I have just never been any good at treating myself.  I am consumed with worry and can’t seem to shed my parents’ preaching of hard work and holiday conservatism. 

After their painful divorce, however, my parents each developed an urgent need to see the world.  Whether it was the fact that their children were grown and educated, the influence of their new partners or a sense of competitive one-upmanship that comes with separation, I don’t really know.  But somehow, my anxious, just ‘stay-put’ mother, who had previously ventured only as far as my grandmother’s rented apartment at Bathurst and Steeles, made her way to Kanchanaburi, Thailand with her handsome boyfriend.  Giddy with romance and jet lag, my mother told me I really ought to see the Bridge over the River Kwai when I get a chance.  My mother said this as if she just happened to stumble upon it.  As if she were telling me to go and get the Clinique bonus at the Bay.  After a long pause, she interrupted my astonishment.  “You know,” she said, her voice cutting in and out of the Thai static, “it’s really important to travel with your partner.” 

I think about my mother’s revelation, the closest she ever came to expressing any sort of regret.  I think about it as I run in the ocean at my poor husband forcing him to attempt a recreation of the Dirty Dancing lift.  Just as I jump out of the surface my bikini bottoms slip off me with the water, exposing my white tush to the entire beach and what feels like to me, all of Mexico.  Through salty coughs, I hear my friends’ peels of laughter.  I take my husband’s steady hand as I gingerly slide back into my bottoms.  Standing with him, smiling, in the middle of the ocean, I realize that my mother was right.  Traveling with your partner is priceless.

By Wendy Litner

I’m not a “happily every after” kind of girl.  I cringe from stories of over-the-top engagement proposals.  And after four years of marriage, I don’t need grandiose gestures of love from my husband to know that he cares.  Which is why weeks prior to my last birthday I sternly instructed him that no present was necessary.  We were both feeling stretched a little thin and while certainly there were things that I wanted (i.e. the new lime green Dell netbook) there was nothing that I really, truly, needed.  Besides, given our hectic schedules I would rather my husband spent time with me than shop for me.   My husband vehemently objected, insisting that the occasion be marked with some material purchase.  I smothered his protests, however, with practical posturing about finances and other such unromantic considerations.  I insisted that his love was all I needed and I really, truly, meant it. 

So, when my birthday rolled around, you can only imagine my surprised outrage when he handed me nothing but a thoughtfully written card generously extolling my wifely virtues.  What the what?  How dare he take me at my word!

I tried my best to enjoy our hand-in-hand, leisurely stroll through the park but every time he asked if something was bothering me I could do nothing more than give a frosty, “Nothing at all . . .why?”  I continued my passive aggressive antics throughout the day, actively moping by my imperceptive husband while insisting that I was “fine,” albeit agitated by his questions.  I mean, he should obviously know what’s bothering me!  Isn’t it obvious?! 

But as the day progressed to evening, my agitated thoughts gave way to regretful embarrassment.  I comforted myself with the notion that I’m a modern girl and ours is a modern relationship.  I grew up watching my father shower my mother with lavish gifts-roses, perfume, jewelry-and their marriage ended in divorce.  Yes, meaningless, surprise purchases are by no means a necessary cornerstone of a long-lasting relationship.  I was happy my husband and I didn’t need to give each other tangible signs of our affection.  After all, flowers, no matter how beautiful, eventually wilt.  Chocolates, too, get eaten, and Dell netbooks get replaced with newer technology.     

But months later, as I pushed my suitcase through a hotel room door for a four-day work seminar for which I had been extremely anxious, I was shocked to be greeted by the most beautiful flower arrangement I had ever seen, sitting on the hotel bureau.  Birds of Paradise and greenery exploded into this overwhelming expression of love, toting a card which wished me good luck in the days ahead.  Despite my unwavering practical undulations I found myself overcome with so much emotion I could hardly move.  Entranced by each colourful bloom and the caring sentiment it represented, my once pragmatic exterior began to wither.  With shaking hands I delicately fingered the petals feeling ever so lucky and ever so loved.   

With a lump in my throat I reached for the phone to call my darling mate.  Hearing his voice on the other end I could scarcely choke back my tears, “You are so wonderful,” I cried tenderly, “but how much did you spend?!”

By Victoria Joanna  BBA, CNP, RNCP http://www.victoriajoanna.com/

It’s that time of year again!  As a brand new year and a brand new decade begin, we are excited and filled with hope at what the upcoming twelve months will bring.  It’s a chance to begin again and accomplish some of the things we may not have done last year, or perhaps take our lives to a whole new level.

While it may seem that at this time of year everyone is setting resolutions, did you know that less than 50% of North Americans actually make ‘New Year’s Resolutions’?   I’m going to guess that part of the reason behind this is the fact that we are all aware of how short-lived these resolutions can be and so some of us are choosing to spare ourselves the disappointment.

So are resolutions pointless? We’ve all heard about the “January rush” at the gym, only to see the traffic slowly fall less than 6 weeks into the New Year.  Yes, resolutions may be hard to keep, but does that mean we shouldn’t make them altogether?

I believe the key to success is not in the language – whether you call it a goal, an intention or a resolution – there is something even more fundamental that will impact your chances of success.

Are you ready for the secret?  Write. It. Down.

It may seem simple but less than 5% of people write down their goals!  Why is this so important?  In the act of writing it down on paper, you make it real for yourself.  Not only in your conscious mind, but also your subconscious.   You take abstract thoughts and energy and distill them into tangible words and ideas.  Your subconscious mind works visually, it needs to see it on paper, whether in words or pictures.

Here are a few other tips to ensure the goals you write are powerful and effective:

Have a deadline. You need to have a specific month and day for each goal, this makes it more real and creates a sense of urgency that will motivate action and follow through.

Be specific. Your goal must be specific enough to be measurable, otherwise how will you know when you’ve achieved it?  For instance, don’t just say “I want to be happier” or “I want to have more balance” or “I want to be successful”.  What will your life look like when you are happier, have more balance or more success – will you spend x number of days with your kids, will you be pursuing x hobby, will you have a certain job or salary level?  Clarity creates opportunity.

Be fired up. Your goals must be motivating.  They should instill a sense of passion and energy when you think about or talk about them, that’s how you know they are coming from authentic desires rather than things you think you “should” do.  If we set goals with our heads rather than our hearts, we find it hard to stay committed and motivated.

Be positive. Humans tend to innately move towards pleasure and away from pain.  Pleasure and feeling good motivates us.   As a result, our goals shouldn’t focus on what we don’t want, but rather the positive outcome.  For example, rather than saying “I don’t want to be fat” or “I want to lose 20lbs”, it’s more motivating to say “I want to be healthy” or “ I want to have more energy for my career and family”.  Can you feel the difference in these statements?

This may sound simple, but it really does work.  Most of us spend more time planning our annual vacations than we do planning our life.  It’s no wonder we often don’t get what we want…we haven’t planned for it.  Take the time this month to write down some clear goals for yourself so that you can make 2010 your best year yet!

By Victoria Joanna  BBA, CNP, RNCP

 “I want more balance in my life.”

Have you heard anyone say this, or perhaps have said it yourself?  It seems everywhere you turn, we are all striving for balance.  But before we spend another day making ourselves crazy striving for what might be an unattainable ideal, let’s explore the concept for a moment.

The idea of balance implies that we are living in a joyful state where we feel we have finally found enough time for all of the things that are important to us – career, family, friends, fitness and personal care.  I don’t know about you, but I haven’t met anyone who has actually said to me “yes, I feel my life is pretty balanced right now, I seem to have enough time to take care of everything”.

So while balance may sound good in theory, I ask you to consider whether it is a realistic expectation or whether, particularly as women, we are setting ourselves up for yet another ideal against which we never measure up.   We are then left comparing ourselves to others who “appear” to be in balance (remember: nothing is ever as it appears) and criticize ourselves for not being able to do it all.

As an alternative I ask you to consider the concept of harmony.   In applying this concept in my own life, it has allowed me to release some of my unrealistic expectations of myself and enjoy life without constantly feeling like I’m not doing enough.  And ironically, I feel good – the way I would imagine I would feel if I had achieved “balance”.

Harmony can be defined as “several components pleasingly combined.”  In an orchestra, it is the melody created when different instruments are combined.  Each instrument is played at a different level, some in the background and some in the foreground. 

When applied to life, think of different areas taking priority at various stages of our life.  This can vary depending on age, life stage, and time of year.  It doesn’t mean that we let one area of our life take over, but rather that we become realistic of our expectations and mindful of our priorities.

For instance, if you’ve just had a baby, or a new promotion, or are moving to a new home, these aspects in your life will no doubt affect your ability to find time for everything else.   They may take centre stage for a few weeks or months, and so you may need to reprioritize some other aspects. 

Re-evaluate every 3 months to ensure you’re not living out of routine, but truly focusing on your goals.  It doesn’t mean you won’t feel like you’re juggling, but perhaps it will be 3-4 things in your life rather than 10 all at once.  Be gentle with yourself and realize that Superwoman was a action hero. 

The following are some tips for living in harmony:

To evaluate your priorities at this time in your life, use the circle of life.

Draw a circle and create 8 equal sections (like a pie chart). 

In each section, label the following categories – Work/Career, Friends, Family, Health/Fitness, Self Care, Fun/Recreation/Hobbies, Finances, Physical Environment

Rate how satisfied you are in each are on a scale of 1 to 10.

Now look at the three lowest scores.   Are these potentially the areas where you might want or need to give more focus over the next few weeks or months?

Write 2 or 3 goals for each area. They should be measurable in some way so that you know you’ve achieved them.  Be specific.

For each goal, write a date by which you would like to accomplish it.

For each goal, write 1-2 action steps you can take this week to move towards it.

Re-evaluate your wheel every three months.

By Victoria Joanna  BBA, CNP, RNCP www.victoriajoanna.com

Two years ago, I was in a corporate job.   From the outside, I had a great life – great career, wonderful fiancée, amazing friends, and disposable income.  What else could I possibly want?  All I had to do was continue on my path and no doubt, kids would be next, a bigger house, vacations, maybe a promotion or two.  Perfect right?

Unfortunately, I wasn’t happy.  I wanted something more.  I couldn’t describe it at first.  I just had this sense that something was missing.  From the time I was young, I had always wanted to find a strong sense of purpose and passion. I found myself reading stories about successful individuals who followed their passion and who lost track between work and play, who felt they were making a difference and having an impact in people’s lives.  Every time I read their stories there was a strong sense of envy.

As I was turning 30, this feeling grew more intense and I started to think that maybe I wasn’t just going to “fall into it” one day.  The idea of giving up on my dream was more than I could handle, so I started to actively search out answers in the form of books, seminars and by hiring a life coach.

Today I run my own wellness business.  I am a wellness life coach and certified holistic nutritionist.  I spend my days speaking, reading and writing about my passion, health and wellness.  I get such joy and fulfillment from helping other women add more happiness and vitality to their lives.

Very often, I have women ask me how I did it and share their own dreams of leaving their jobs and finding their passion.  While I won’t tell you that a career transition is always easy, it absolutely can be done and any one of us can do it.  The process and journey is unique for everyone so I highly encourage working with a coach or joining a mastermind group or other networking group to get the feedback, support and encouragement to keep you motivated and accountable to your goals.

In the meantime, if you find yourself dreaming of a different life, here are some suggestions to get you started.  Each of these tools is very powerful.   When we are specific and put our goals on paper in words or pictures, we activate an aspect of ourselves on a subconscious level, which begins to pull us in the direction of our goals.

Visualization:

In a quiet space, sit or lie down and close your eyes.  Begin to breathe deeply and relax your body.  Begin to visualize your “future self” in your ideal life 5 years from now.  Get as vivid and clear as you can – where are you living, what city, what does your house look like, what does it feel like?  How big is your family?  How do you spend your days, what does work look like – do you go to an office, do you work from home, are you working with others? What do you look like? How do you feel?  Make these images as real as possible.

Journaling:

Stream of consciousness journaling accesses your subconscious mind.  For two weeks, keep a journal by your bed and as you wake up in the morning, before you get out of bed write for 15 minutes.  Write absolutely anything that comes to your mind.  Don’t judge or edit yourself.

Alternately, in your journal write answers to the following questions:

What would my friends say I am a “natural” at?

What do I tend to remember or learn easily and effortlessly?

What types of magazines or books do I read for fun?

What did I enjoy to do as a child or teenager?

What would I want to do with my time if I was independently wealthy?

 Vision Board:

Create a picture collage that represents your ideal life.  Where you would live, how you feel, what you would be doing (family, career, hobbies).  Go out and purchase a stack of your favorite magazines.  Take some time on the weekend.  Relax, turn on your favorite music and flip through those magazines.  Pull out any pictures and words that resonate with you.  Then arrange these images on a large Bristol board.

By Aurea Crotty

To underestimate the power of clarity is to undermine and stifle your ability to achieve success.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that if you do not have and project clarity you cannot fully achieve your objective.

Time and time again I have found myself with a million thoughts and ideas with no clear direction. I’ve pondered multiple opportunities as if looking at book shelf trying to decide which book to read. Confused by the plethora of options I’ve allowed myself to be swayed and wooed by opportunities that may not have been the best choices. I lacked clarity and in haste did not take time to consider what was best for me. The end result…a path that seems to take too much time, a struggle to yield results, and many times having to start again.

I’ve also felt that nagging feeling that something’s missing. Despite working hard, being productive, setting goals and achieving them, I’ve still felt that something just isn’t right and that there’s got to be more.

Where The Magic Happens…

When I have absolute clarity, know with precision what my objectives are, how I need to achieve them and what I needed to say –MAGIC! Really, magic…or at least that’s how it feels.

There is something phenomenal that happens when we have clarity, everything feels easy. Opportunities just happen to present themselves that align perfectly with our intentions. If I wasn’t a believer before, I can confidently tell you I am now! With so many “I can’t believe it!” moments – I have now come to believe that if a situation feels less than easy, I should reassess my level of clarity.

Lack of clarity is said to be the most common goal setting error. We put ourselves down a certain path without considering the bigger picture and whether our choices are really what we want, or more importantly, what we need. The disconnect between the two then leaves us with a feeling of dissatisfaction and makes our goals and tasks more challenging as they are not aligned.

Here are four steps I use to help me get clear.

1. Find Stillness.

Take time everyday to quiet the mind, if you don’t have the luxury of doing this during the day, take time at night with a little extra unwinding time, free from any external disturbances.

 2. Ask yourself, what you really want from your particular situation?

Try to break through all the superficial motives and reach deep to find your ultimate goal.

 3. Ask yourself, what needs to happen in order for you to achieve your goal?

Start to create an action plan.

 4. Put the wheels in motion!

I like to start talking and asking for help. By creating some action and energy around your objective you will draw it closer to you.

By Aurea Crotty

Imagine all you needed to do to achieve your greatest aspirations and realize your full potential was to reframe the words you use.

Can you recall every good moment that has ever happened to you?

According to Yvonne Oswald, author of Every Word Has Power: Switch On Your Language and Turn On Your Life, your subconscious does and will remind you of all those great moments just by meditating on the word good.

The reason for this, Yvonne tells us, is that each key word has a frequency, an energy that transcends beyond the word itself into an emotion which affects our physical and metaphysical existence.

“Powerful high-energy words such as excitement, joy, success, or love, vibrate higher and faster, thus increasing your “I feel good” feelings. Low-energy words, particularly words that have negative emotional associations such as sadness or guilt, resonate at a lower frequency. They make you feel less than great by literally lowering your energy levels. In fact, 20 percent of the words you use have strong emotional undertones, which cause you to react either negatively or positively.”*

Here are some common phrases we have all used, I have highlighted the “Key Words” our subconscious hears and reacts to:

No Problem

It just so hard

I’m so angry

I hate this

I feel sick

We can reframe these statements with high-energy words:

My pleasure

It’s just not easy

I’m not happy

I don’t love this

I don’t feel well

The idea is not that we are trying to rid ourselves of human emotions which include anger and frustration, but rather how we choose to handle and articulate them to our inner-self.

You may be wondering about the use of the words “Not” or “Don’t”. The subconscious mind does not know how to process “negative commands”

“Do not think of a white elephant. Do not think of a white elephant with pink spots –dancing on a stage. Do not remember the number 167. Which number are you not to remember? Your unconscious cannot process what is not. It simply responds to the key words you give it”.*

Some more food for thought…be cognizant of how you talk about other people as your subconscious mind believes you are talking about yourself!

The influence our words have on our emotions and life is a remarkable insight into our psyche and existence. Our perspective and outer expression of our mindset has everything to do with our experiences and success.  

Let us know what you think…do you think the words we use and think can change our life?

*Yvonne Oswald, Every Word Has Power: Switch On Your Language And Turn On Your Life. New York: Atria Books 2008.

I thought this book was a great read and has changed how I communicate! If you would like to read more click here

By Wendy Litner

I am standing at the back of a salsa aerobics class, trying to be as invisible as wall-to-wall mirrors will allow.  I joined this gym months ago but have only had time to attend twice.  It’s not that I don’t want to go; it’s just that after such long, panty-hosed days, I can’t resist the comfort of my pajama pants.  As I find exercise to be a horrible chore that I must get done if I’m to keep fitting into my pants, I thought a dance class might be a fun way to take my medicine.  Besides, techno music happens to be a guilty pleasure of mine, and I haven’t gotten my $100-dollars-worth out of my LuLu’s yet. 

But, as Giovanni the instructor calls out steps that everyone else knows, it is obvious that I am out of my element.  My awkwardness is simply palpable. 

I try my best to follow, but I feel like Dirty Dancing’s Baby who has stumbled in on an underground scene of forbidden gyration.  The other dancers exude grace and sex appeal.  All I exude is sweat.    

 “You must feeeeeeeel the music,” Giovanni sings, instructing we’re about to take it from the top.  While all I really feeeeeeel is out of breath, I am determined to redeem myself. 

We begin the routine and, I can’t believe it- I just nailed the first count of eight!  My excitement seems to throw me off entirely, though, and I recover by resorting to my staple Bar-Mitzvah move of step clapping.  Overwhelmingly embarrassed, I look around to see if anybody has noticed but realize that not a single person is looking at me.  Giovanni himself is fixated on his ridiculously toned calves. 

Feeling completely protected in my isolation I finally let myself go.  I throw back my head, kick up my feet and start having the best time.  Although I still have no idea what I’m doing and my awkward movements can’t really be categorized as any genre of dance, the hour quickly turns into the respite I desperately need from my stressful day at the office.

My paranoia at work has led me to believe that my superiors agonize over my performance, carefully judging my every move.  By maybe, just maybe, people aren’t as concerned with my work; maybe they are really more fixated on themselves.  I always thought I needed to apply my work ethic to my exercise regime, but maybe what I really need is to apply my exercise ethic to my work.  Just as long as they don’t install wall-to-wall mirrors in my office.

By Janice Carter

A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to climb Mount Fuji. After exhausting travel, I arrived on the cold, dark mountain and didn’t feel up to the challenge. As evening pressed on, the lack of food, water and sleep fuelled my negative mood. The pesky rock invading my hiking boot ignited my desire to retreat. Do you ever set a career goal, start to move towards it and then want to give up? 

Without patience and persistence, there’s no hope of achieving your goals. I learned this from my mistakes. I was clear about the type of work I wanted but it wasn’t coming. I doubted that my dream job would become reality. Impatient and restless, I took a job I didn’t really want. For a time I blamed the company for my dissatisfaction, then I realized that I was the problem. I wasn’t being true to myself. 

My definition of success isn’t congruent with Webster’s, which measures it by wealth. Instead, I prescribe to that of John Wooden, the former basketball coach and author of Play your Game. He says,  “Success is the peace of mind attained only through the self-satisfaction of knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you’re capable.” I knew I wasn’t doing my best when I settled for the job or considered giving up on Mount Fuji. 

Wooden writes: “Play your game…Eventually, if you play your game, stick to your style [it will be worth it] in the end. This does not mean that we will always outscore our opponent, but it does ensure that we will not beat ourselves.”

On Mount Fuji, my despondance eventually waned and I played my game. I was wonderfully encouraged as a pack of Japanese hikers passed by and zealously shouted “gambatte.”  I had no idea what it meant, but the tone in which they said it, sparked the fight in me. When I reached the summit at sunrise, I was paralyzed by the beautiful expanse of powder blue sky illuminated by radiant streams of pinks and oranges. I can’t believe I almost missed that! I later learned that “gambatte” means “go for it” or “try your best.” I challenge you to stay true to yourself and persistently go after what you want. 

Tips for career success:

1. Clearly define your goals by writing them out.  Post your list of goals on the bathroom mirror, or somewhere you’ll actually read it. If you’re a visual person, translate it into a vision board.

 2. Share your goals with friends and/or family.

3. Periodically, take time out to be quiet and reflect. Assess whether you’re doing what you want to be doing. 

 4. Be patient & persevere. Gambatte!

Reference: TED Conference: John Wooden on true success  http://www.ted.com/talks/john_wooden_on_the_difference_between_winning_and_success.html

Share your definition of success and get a copy of our newest book The White Tiger: Post here

By Johanna Pigeon

Buyers today are much more savvy and have certain expectations when viewing properties….and sellers are taking note!  Sellers realize that staging their home gives them that edge needed to outshine the competition.  The investment, whether of your own time or financially by hiring a pro, the end results are well worth it!!  The main goal is to the give the buyers a sense of a space with a neutral palette allowing them to envision themselves and their furniture in the home.  Who knows…it might look so good you may not want to move!!

CLEAN!! Get that vacuum and duster out and get at it. Don’t forget the upper cabinets and drapery panels/rods.

Clear out any furnishings that aren’t necessary or blocking hallway/closet access. Give a sense of space not only for living but for storage!

Tidy up countertops, shower stalls, dressers, leaving only necessary items pleasing to the eye.

Touch up paint or repaint if colors are outdated or too loud.

Give your draperies, carpetand bedding a good wash. Keep your laundry out of sight and your beds nicely made.

Rent a storage unit to house extra belongings. There are companiesthat will deliver a storage unit to your address. When all packed up they will return and then store itat a facility until you’re ready to collect.

Take care of minor repairs (caulking in kitchen and bathrooms,install new bulbs, etc) and replace any outdated fixtures.

Curb appeal! Clear pathways, prune bushes and move garbage bins if possible. Add color and dimension with planters.

Afragrant bouquet of flowersis alwayspleasant!

Pay close attention to the front door and your entryway. Leave a lasting first impression…you only get one shot!

One IMPORTANT last step: Take pictures and have a good look.  Would YOU buy this house?