By Aurea Crotty

To underestimate the power of clarity is to undermine and stifle your ability to achieve success.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that if you do not have and project clarity you cannot fully achieve your objective.

Time and time again I have found myself with a million thoughts and ideas with no clear direction. I’ve pondered multiple opportunities as if looking at book shelf trying to decide which book to read. Confused by the plethora of options I’ve allowed myself to be swayed and wooed by opportunities that may not have been the best choices. I lacked clarity and in haste did not take time to consider what was best for me. The end result…a path that seems to take too much time, a struggle to yield results, and many times having to start again.

I’ve also felt that nagging feeling that something’s missing. Despite working hard, being productive, setting goals and achieving them, I’ve still felt that something just isn’t right and that there’s got to be more.

Where The Magic Happens…

When I have absolute clarity, know with precision what my objectives are, how I need to achieve them and what I needed to say –MAGIC! Really, magic…or at least that’s how it feels.

There is something phenomenal that happens when we have clarity, everything feels easy. Opportunities just happen to present themselves that align perfectly with our intentions. If I wasn’t a believer before, I can confidently tell you I am now! With so many “I can’t believe it!” moments – I have now come to believe that if a situation feels less than easy, I should reassess my level of clarity.

Lack of clarity is said to be the most common goal setting error. We put ourselves down a certain path without considering the bigger picture and whether our choices are really what we want, or more importantly, what we need. The disconnect between the two then leaves us with a feeling of dissatisfaction and makes our goals and tasks more challenging as they are not aligned.

Here are four steps I use to help me get clear.

1. Find Stillness.

Take time everyday to quiet the mind, if you don’t have the luxury of doing this during the day, take time at night with a little extra unwinding time, free from any external disturbances.

 2. Ask yourself, what you really want from your particular situation?

Try to break through all the superficial motives and reach deep to find your ultimate goal.

 3. Ask yourself, what needs to happen in order for you to achieve your goal?

Start to create an action plan.

 4. Put the wheels in motion!

I like to start talking and asking for help. By creating some action and energy around your objective you will draw it closer to you.

By Aurea Crotty

Imagine all you needed to do to achieve your greatest aspirations and realize your full potential was to reframe the words you use.

Can you recall every good moment that has ever happened to you?

According to Yvonne Oswald, author of Every Word Has Power: Switch On Your Language and Turn On Your Life, your subconscious does and will remind you of all those great moments just by meditating on the word good.

The reason for this, Yvonne tells us, is that each key word has a frequency, an energy that transcends beyond the word itself into an emotion which affects our physical and metaphysical existence.

“Powerful high-energy words such as excitement, joy, success, or love, vibrate higher and faster, thus increasing your “I feel good” feelings. Low-energy words, particularly words that have negative emotional associations such as sadness or guilt, resonate at a lower frequency. They make you feel less than great by literally lowering your energy levels. In fact, 20 percent of the words you use have strong emotional undertones, which cause you to react either negatively or positively.”*

Here are some common phrases we have all used, I have highlighted the “Key Words” our subconscious hears and reacts to:

No Problem

It just so hard

I’m so angry

I hate this

I feel sick

We can reframe these statements with high-energy words:

My pleasure

It’s just not easy

I’m not happy

I don’t love this

I don’t feel well

The idea is not that we are trying to rid ourselves of human emotions which include anger and frustration, but rather how we choose to handle and articulate them to our inner-self.

You may be wondering about the use of the words “Not” or “Don’t”. The subconscious mind does not know how to process “negative commands”

“Do not think of a white elephant. Do not think of a white elephant with pink spots –dancing on a stage. Do not remember the number 167. Which number are you not to remember? Your unconscious cannot process what is not. It simply responds to the key words you give it”.*

Some more food for thought…be cognizant of how you talk about other people as your subconscious mind believes you are talking about yourself!

The influence our words have on our emotions and life is a remarkable insight into our psyche and existence. Our perspective and outer expression of our mindset has everything to do with our experiences and success.  

Let us know what you think…do you think the words we use and think can change our life?

*Yvonne Oswald, Every Word Has Power: Switch On Your Language And Turn On Your Life. New York: Atria Books 2008.

I thought this book was a great read and has changed how I communicate! If you would like to read more click here

By Wendy Litner

I am standing at the back of a salsa aerobics class, trying to be as invisible as wall-to-wall mirrors will allow.  I joined this gym months ago but have only had time to attend twice.  It’s not that I don’t want to go; it’s just that after such long, panty-hosed days, I can’t resist the comfort of my pajama pants.  As I find exercise to be a horrible chore that I must get done if I’m to keep fitting into my pants, I thought a dance class might be a fun way to take my medicine.  Besides, techno music happens to be a guilty pleasure of mine, and I haven’t gotten my $100-dollars-worth out of my LuLu’s yet. 

But, as Giovanni the instructor calls out steps that everyone else knows, it is obvious that I am out of my element.  My awkwardness is simply palpable. 

I try my best to follow, but I feel like Dirty Dancing’s Baby who has stumbled in on an underground scene of forbidden gyration.  The other dancers exude grace and sex appeal.  All I exude is sweat.    

 “You must feeeeeeeel the music,” Giovanni sings, instructing we’re about to take it from the top.  While all I really feeeeeeel is out of breath, I am determined to redeem myself. 

We begin the routine and, I can’t believe it- I just nailed the first count of eight!  My excitement seems to throw me off entirely, though, and I recover by resorting to my staple Bar-Mitzvah move of step clapping.  Overwhelmingly embarrassed, I look around to see if anybody has noticed but realize that not a single person is looking at me.  Giovanni himself is fixated on his ridiculously toned calves. 

Feeling completely protected in my isolation I finally let myself go.  I throw back my head, kick up my feet and start having the best time.  Although I still have no idea what I’m doing and my awkward movements can’t really be categorized as any genre of dance, the hour quickly turns into the respite I desperately need from my stressful day at the office.

My paranoia at work has led me to believe that my superiors agonize over my performance, carefully judging my every move.  By maybe, just maybe, people aren’t as concerned with my work; maybe they are really more fixated on themselves.  I always thought I needed to apply my work ethic to my exercise regime, but maybe what I really need is to apply my exercise ethic to my work.  Just as long as they don’t install wall-to-wall mirrors in my office.

By Kena Paranjape of In Life & In Fashion

Getting dressed for work should be easy.  No one has time to rifle through their wardrobe and accessories before racing out the door in the morning.  At the same time, you don’t want to arrive at work and realize too late you are wearing different colour socks!  My suggestion (and personal strategy) is to rely on the essentials and fill in with the rest of the contents of your closets.  With that in mind, I’ve compiled a list of ten must have’s for your work wardrobe.  With these pieces you should be able to get dressed with ease and arrive at work looking stylish and polished.  

1. Pencil Skirt – a pencil skirt is an instant grown-up look.  Tuck in a silk blouse or pair with a fitted v-neck sweater for an easy chic outfit.

2. Wide Leg Trousers – go for charcoal rather than black as it looks more sophisticated when paired with colour

3. A Fantastic Blazer – don’t feel that you have to stick with a basic black boring blazer!  Choose something that fits you perfectly and you love – you will find ways to work it into your wardrobe.  (Tip: this is an item worth splurging on)

4. Mid-Heel Closed Toe Pump – an absolute must-have.  Choose a heel you can wear all day with or without tights.  Closed toe means you don’t have to worry about a pedicure to slip them on.

5. Tie-Neck Blouse – this item may not appear on other must have lists, but consider it a new must have!  A tie neck blouse is a fun way to replace the classic white shirt.  It also looks great under a v neck sweater (see #6).

6. V-Neck Sweater – layer over a tank or blouse.  Choose cashmere for winter and a fine-gauge cotton for spring and summer.

7. Cardigan Sweater – if you find a cardigan you love, buy as many as you can afford.  You will wear them more than any other item in your wardrobe!  Depending on your work environment choose classic or embellished or longer styles. 

8. Silk Tank – another item not found on most must have lists, however, a silk tank is the perfect day-to-night top.  Tuck it into a pencil skirt or trouser with a jacket for day, and off comes the jacket at night!  A silk tank is a good place to add a print to your work wardrobe as well.

9. Flats – be creative with your flats – try a print or patent, a bow or a buckle.  Wear flats on trousers or a-line skirts and dresses but avoid pairing with pencil skirts. 

10. Dress – I am purposefully avoiding being too specific here.  Depending on your work environment you can go for a bold print or may prefer a simple, solid sheath. Either way you can easily personalize with accessories so make it your own!

By Liz Radzick of Manifest Consulting

Fran Capo is The Guinness Book of World Records fastest talking female clocked at 603.32 words in 54.2 seconds. That works out to 11 words a second! Chances are no-one is going to give you an award for breaking the speed barrier when you are talking quickly. What you may get instead are confused listeners who feel bowled over by your rapid-fire speech and who eventually tune out.  So for you fast talkers out there here are some speed bumps you can use to help you slow down.

1. Breathe: Oxygen is Free

Most people do not breathe before they speak, so they end up running out of air and then rushing to the end of the sentence.  Begin by taking in a breath this way: put your hands on your ribs, and breathing  SLOWLY through your mouth fill up the space between your hands. Breathe in for 4 beats, hold for 3, and exhale for 5. Think of breathing wide vs. deep because you don’t want your shoulders hitching up around your ears. Do this a few times and you will notice that you start to relax. When you speak you should be exhaling at the same time; when you notice you are starting to run out of air, top-up the breath and continue. Most fast talkers run their sentences together and breathe infrequently.

2. Use Word Stress

Now using a nursery rhyme like Jack and Jill, take a WIDE breath and say “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water” then top up the breath and say “Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.” If you are still racing through the rhyme, really stress the rhythm of the lines: “JACK and JILL went UP the HILL…” while looking at the second hand of a watch or clock.  You should be reading at 2 words a second and every time the second hand moves is when you should be saying a stressed word. Yes, THAT SLOWLY. I know it feels dorky. Stay with me!

3. Practice a Real Life Situation

Type out what you say on your outgoing voicemail at work. Capitalize the words you want to stress e.g. HI, YOU have REACHED SANDRA CAPELLI at APPLEGATE ACCOUNTING. I’m NOT AVAILABLE  to TAKE your CALL right NOW…”etc.  Read it aloud slowly with the stress and the breathing. If you sound robotic pick-up the pace a little. Now record yourself by calling your voicemail and see if it sounds slower than your old message. Chances are it does.

For additional practice, read aloud from the newspaper, the novel you’re reading or if you have kids use their storybooks which are meant to be read aloud. Going slower will allow you to think more clearly, connect with your audience and feel more confident. GOOD LUCK and NOW go PRACTICE!

Are you a fast talker? Have any suggestion on how to slow down -share them with us!

By Gina Collymore 

Last year, I was very lucky to be invited to attend the Flare Volunteer Awards.  I saw six deserving women honoured for their work within the community, filling a void where they saw something needed to be done.  It’s now a year later, and the event still resonates with me.

Ranging in age from 18 to 80, the drive, determination and passion these women had was undeniable.  After that day, I promised myself that I would strive to help my community and to lend a hand whenever I could.

However, volunteering will not only give you that healthy dose of appreciation and satisfaction we all need, it also gives you skills that can be transferred from your personal life to your professional life. 

I used the skills I was blessed with to help charitable organizations like The Power to Be Foundation and Dress Your Best.  My contributions were small, but at the end of the day they were appreciated.

As a student volunteer, I got the chance to build a portfolio that helped me land my first job out of school; it also helped me to switch career paths from journalism to public relations.  Use volunteering as a tool to seek out your path, to try new things and to simply find your niche.

When seeking out a place to volunteer your time, take these into consideration:

Is the organization somewhere you could see yourself working?

What do you hope to gain from volunteering at this organization?

Most importantly, will you have fun doing this? 

The value you gain from volunteering will be worth far more than any dollar amount.  Use the experience to build your confidence, to jazz up a dull resume, and most importantly to lend a helping hand in making a positive difference in your community.

Gina Collymore is a Communications Specialist in the dog-eat-dog world of corporate Toronto.  However, her love of all things fashion, entertainment and philanthropy led her to launch a freelance career in PR & Communications. She continues to balance both, along with volunteering in her community and attempting to travel the world. 

Visit her blog at http://rapturepr.com/ to read the trials and tribulations of a young woman on the cusp of discovering her place in the world of Public Relations.

By Leanne James

Landing your dream job can be as stressful as it is exciting. You want to fit in; make an impression; wow the pants off of them; but you don’t want to go overboard and end up with an office full of new colleagues raising their eyebrows every time you open your mouth. Below are a list of dos and don’t to help you get through those awkward first few weeks at a new job.

Dos

Make the rounds: It’s easy to silo yourself in your cubicle, but no one will ever appreciate the value you bring to the office unless you make it a point to introduce yourself to as many people as possible. Let them get to know you and what you bring to the table. You’ll also make valuable connections and discover new resources in the process.

Dress and act the part: Every office and organization has a different culture. Be sure to dress as professionally as possible and choose your words carefully. Once you’ve better learned the lay of the land, you’ll know if jeans are appropriate and you’ll have a better sense of just how colourful your language can and should be.

Know your role: It’s important to know where you fit in the company structure and hierarchy. This will go a long way in helping you develop the appropriate dynamic between those with positions above and below your own. You’ll make friends much faster if you know who to approach with a handshake and who you can give a high five to.

Don’ts

Expecting the best: Though many companies offer a progressive culture and opportunities for advancement, you still have to earn your stripes. Don’t believe that you’re entitled; in a new workplace; the fewer your demands and expectations from managers and co-workers, the more respect you’ll earn.

Being the eternal student: Each of us learns something new everyday, but it’s important to remember that you’re still expected to provide optimal results for your work.  If you’re unsure of something, ask the most appropriate person rather than moving ahead and coming out with a poor final product. Remember to try your best, go the extra mile and be accountable for your successes and failures.

Narrowing your mind: Every company does things differently. Don’t believe your way is always the best way or the only way to do things right. Be sure to listen and consider others’ ideas; you’ll learn a lot in the process and will garner more respect for your own ideas.

Leanne James is the Vice President of Human Resources at APEX Public Relations in Toronto

By Janice Carter

Last week, I reluctantly shared my vision board homework assignment with my Savoir Faire Professionals ‘On Track’ Mastermind Group. I really like public speaking, but I was nervous about sharing the carefully chosen, deeply personal images that reflect my heart’s desires. My collage of a lovely husband, cute babies, a grand piano, scrumptious food and depictions of  Italy and France hangs comfortably in the comfort of my own home. I wasn’t so comfortable, however, unveiling it to the public. What if my dreams looked cheesy to others?

To my surprise, the other ladies had many of the same images on their boards! As much as I like to think that I’m fabulously unique, I’m reminded of the universal ties that bind us together. Almost everyone had images of friends, marriage, children, a lovely home and some good food. I also noticed that “love” appeared on many boards.

As a group, we agreed that creating vision boards had crystallized our thoughts. It gave physical form to the dreams inside our heads. I’ve also heard stories of people’s vision boards becoming reality. Wow, how sweet! I hope this happens to me! Vision boards are a wonderful way to tap into your imagination. Einstein said it best “Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”

I challenge you to create a vision board and share it with your friends and/or family!

To make your own vision board:

1. Put on some of your favourite music and daydream as you flip through magazines and pull out images you like. For example, your dream vacation, home, children, husband, food, career, hobbies, etc.
2. Shortlist your favourites and clip them out neatly
3. Get yourself a piece of bristol board
4. Glue the images
5. Share your creation!

By Emma-Louise Elsey

Need a serious boost in your career or life? Well, turn off the TV, invest in yourself and stretch your mind with one of these thought provoking page-turners instead.

1. “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers” by Lois P. Frankel

Who it’s for: If you’ve ever slaved away like a little ant hoping to get noticed, while Dave seems to spend half his day chatting to the boss – and still gets all the good assignments, then this book is for you.

There are 7 sections covering everything from politics to personal branding to how we communicate. Read it cover to cover or simply pick it up, review one of the 101 ‘mistakes’ discussed and ponder.

And while I disagree with some of the suggestions, I could not agree more with the core message – that success comes not from acting like a man, but by acting like a woman instead of a girl.

2. “Difficult Conversations” by Douglas Hatton, Bruce Stone and Sheila Heen

Who it’s for: If you ever avoid difficult conversations, or launch into them and then wish things had gone differently, then this book is for you.

Conflict is inevitable. But in business and life we often avoid essential conversations like asking for a well-deserved raise, giving feedback to a touchy staff-member or confronting a friend who has been undermining us.

It doesn’t have to be that way. This invaluable book gives you the lowdown on a rare skill that will make you shine as you move up the corporate ladder (and preserve your sanity too!)

3. “Take Yourself to the Top” by Laura Berman-Fortgang

Who it’s for: If you would you like more from life than just doing your job in the week and relaxing (or collapsing) on weekends then this book is for you.

The world has changed. Organizational restructuring and downsizing are common, we move jobs regularly and this means we have to constantly reprove and reinvent ourselves. So whether you’re a professional or an entrepreneur, we all need to look out for ourselves and be a leader in our own lives.

Laura’s book helps us do just that, showing how to take charge of our career and life, stop making excuses and go out and make our dreams happen.

4. “Now Discover Your Strengths” by Marcus Buckingham

Who it’s for: If you want to know what your greatest strengths are, boost your career and enjoy yourself more then this book is for you.

Marcus believes we would all be a lot more successful if we focused on building and using our strengths. As opposed to the current culture (think employee appraisals and school report cards) which focuses on improving and trying to ‘fix’ our weaknesses.

So, go ahead and discover Top 5 Signature Strengths and hidden talents using the online test. Now all you need to do is start using them!

5. “The 4-Hour Workweek” by Tim Ferriss

Who it’s for: If you truly love your job or your office is a “home away from home”, then this book is not for you. But if you want to get inspired to work less or find a way to inject some well-deserved adventure into your life then get reading!

Despite the many criticisms that could be levelled at it, this book makes it mark by giving us a new definition of wealth: The “New Rich” focus on happiness and enjoyment now rather than waiting to retire, whereas “Deferrers” work their way up organizations, collect status symbols and wait to retire (or die). Which are you?

About the author: Emma-Louise Elsey is a recovering perfectionist committed to living a life of simplicity, ease and happiness on Salt Spring Island with her husband, Starsky the cat and Dexter the dog. As the CEO of Simplicity Life Coaching, a certified Life-Coach and NLP practitioner, she has worked with many smart, successful women to get them unstuck in their careers and lives. She now works with fellow coaches, providing professional coaching tools and exercises at http://www.thecoachingtoolscompany.com that help them skyrocket both their clients and business. Also, coming soon www.rebelwomencafe – an inspirational website for unconventional women who are passionate about life!

By Liz Radzick

I love to talk and I love to hear about other people’s ideas. Sometimes I get frustrated trying to do both of these things. Why? Because the person I’m communicating with is unconsciously doing something that blocks my connection with them.

Whether it’s a personal or business situation, try to avoid the following behaviours:

1.      Not Being Present

Have you ever been on the phone with someone and felt like they weren’t really listening to you? Perhaps you could hear keyboard clicks or other noise that indicated you weren’t their sole focus. I’ve had conversations that suddenly didn’t make sense because the other person spontaneously started talking to the gas bar guy and spoke right into their phone as if the communication was meant for me.

Perhaps you’ve been in a meeting when someone was texting under the table during a presentation. Or perhaps you’ve tried to talk to a colleague and they kept typing on their computer while talking to you. It’s hard to connect with people who are multi-tasking.

Make sure this isn’t you! Give your full attention to the person or group you are with. By being present you let others know they matter and that you are interested in what they have to say. By demonstrating this type of social generosity and respect you will create a lasting positive impression and stronger bond with the people you interact with.

2.      Waiting to Speak vs. Listening

I admit I am sometimes guilty of this one. I rationalize by telling myself that I’m such a great idea person that it’s hard for me to keep quiet when what you’re saying is stimulating so many ideas in my head. You can tell when I’m doing this because I’m probably compressing my lips and holding my breath while leaning forward as if I’m going to pounce on you. Or I actually clip off the end of your sentence with my exhaled interjection.

To become a better listener, you must become present -be in the moment, try breathing in and out slowly and imagine that you are a digital recorder – repeat each sentence in your head as the person finishes saying it. Look into their eyes and unclench your fists. Relax. There is enough time for you to speak once they have finished talking.

3.      Interrupting

This behavior has “Epic Fail’ stamped all over it. You know it’s annoying when people do it to you. It’s no less annoying when you do it to others and it screams “unprofessional.” Do it with Boomers and you will be perceived as young and arrogant Nobody wants that.  See #2.

Everything we needed to know we learned in kindergarten: Play nice and wait your turn.

Stay Tuned for Part 2 next week!

Have a communication question or want to share a communication pet peeve? -Post here!